The Utterly Predictable HarryDraco Slash Story
by Kia9
Summary: HarryDraco pairing stories are alway being repeated like a broken record. This little parody shows you why. No offense meant. Just trying to express my opinion. Warning: The parody…may hurt some writers’ feelings.


To tell you the truth I can't stand Draco and Harry slash because for some reason they just don't add up for me. Well mainly because it had been written so many times with the same old plot that it just makes me want to curl my toes. However I don't oppose slash, actually I'm very pro slash but fanfiction writers out there should come up with more originality.

Harry and Draco slash (those who like this couple would hate me)

Title: The Utterly Predictable Harry/Draco Slash Story 

Ratings: PG-13

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and co. is not mine. Don't sue.

Warning: Parody…may hurt some writers' feelings.

Harry and Draco are cleaning up the trophy room for detention because they (predictably) fought in potions…again.

Harry: (mumbles) I hate my life, why does it have to be so complicated? Apart from escaping near death situations I have to spend all my free time in detention with Malfoy. Oh, how I want to punch his evil, smug, handsome face in! Hold on…did I just say handsome? Where did that come from?

Draco: Stop muttering. I'm already sick of you without hearing your irritating voice in the background. (Thinks to self) I'm so in love with him. The way he wears his glasses is just so sexy…oh baby! Wait…must think unsexy thoughts…

Harry: Draco, you're drooling.

Draco: How dare you? Malfoys don't drool!

Harry: Fine, then what is that big slob of white stuff hanging down your mouth?

Draco: That is just sweat. I happen to have pores around the corners of my mouth. It's a Malfoy thing.

Harry: (rolls his eyes) God, you are such a prissy little brat.

Draco: Oh yeah? You are just a skinny pathetic geek who is only famous for your big fat ugly scar.

Harry: That's it! No one insults my scar! (Slams into Draco and starts fighting)

Draco fights back until suddenly they were on the ground rolling around. Harry in the end won and was on top.

Harry: Ha, finally my chance to punch your eyes out.

Draco: Maybe not. (Kisses him)

Harry: Oh my God!

While Harry was trying to recover from shock Draco uses the advantage to pin him down.

Draco: Now I can have my wicked ways with you.

Harry: (recovers) No need Draco. With that kiss I have finally realized what I felt for you. Now lets make love on the trophy room floor.

Draco: Yepee!

Next day…

Draco: We must keep our relationship a secret. My father would hurt you, or worse kill me!

Harry: You are right. Voldemort would kidnap you if he finds out.

Suddenly Dumbledore pops up from behind.

Dumbledore: Have some lemon drops but I do believe you already had enough lemon on the trophy room floor?

Harry: Your pun was lame…hey how did you know?

Dumbledore: (thinks to self) What do you expect? It's the trophy room, we have magical surveillance cameras. (Says loudly) Oh I have my ways.

Draco: Right. What do you want?

Dumbledore: Somehow when you were um coupling last night we found the strongest magic bond to appear since 200 years ago.

Harry: Yeah so?

Dumbledore: You must join together to fight Voldemort.

DracoHarry: What?

A week later…after many scenes of shameless sex, Harry comes to his room and found Draco gone and a note on his desk. It reads:

_Dear Harry James Potter,_

_Your lover boy is in my hands. If you don't come and find me within an hour I'll feed him to my pet snake. I'll send you his bones and a moving picture of him being devoured._

_Signed,_

_Lord Voldemort _

Harry: Oh no Draco is kidnapped!

Dumbledore: Now, now, don't act irrationally. You need to stay right here while we conduct the rescue mission…hey where did he go?

At the same time…

Lucius: Draco…you stupid boy! I did not raise my son to be a gay wuss. (Gets out whip) This should teach you to never commit buggery again!

Draco: Whatever. Just don't permanently mark my smooth complexion.

Suddenly the back wall explodes and Harry bursts in like in Superman from muggle TV.

Harry: How dare you hurt Draky! (Whips out the wand and say some complicated spell.)

Lucius drops to the floor unconscious.

Draco: Harry, I knew you would come for me.

Harry: Oh, I love you so much!

They nearly kiss when suddenly Voldemort appears in front of them.

Voldemort: Hahaha…you have fallen in my very well thought up trap. Now die!

Draco: C'mon Harry. We need to combine our powers to beat Voldemort.

They held hands and together used their wands to cast the death curse.

Voldemort: No it can't be! I'll be back…(starts to fade away).

Harry: Yeah right. That's what they all say. (Turns to Draco) Now everything is out of the way there is nothing stopping us from screwing like bunnies.

Draco: You are right! Let's start now.

They have sex until the order of the phoenix arrives. With Lucius locked in Azkabane they lived happily ever after.

The end (or is it?)


End file.
